


It's that weakness in you...

by spiderfire



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Backstory, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Hydra (Marvel), Hydra Grant Ward, M/M, Pre-HYDRA Reveal, SHIELD, Villains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-07 06:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4252119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiderfire/pseuds/spiderfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few years before the Battle of New York, Garrett begins to establish "The Clairvoyant". Along the way, Ward runs into someone he once knew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's that weakness in you...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jayjaybe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jayjaybe/gifts).



_Free Cable TV!_ the sign claimed. _Beachside rooms!_

As motels went, this one was pretty sorry looking, with battered grass growing randomly from cracks in the driveway and peeling paint on the doors. Ward sighed as he pulled his motorcycle into a slot next to Garrett’s truck and kicked it onto its stand. The parking lot was mostly empty.

The sea was just on the other side of the building and he could hear the rhythmic rumble of the waves against the land once the motorcycle’s engine had sputtered and died.He pulled his helmet off as he walked up to the room. The door opened as he approached and Garrett came out. “Files are on the tablet,” he said.“I am going to get us some grub.”

“Sounds good,” Ward said.

“Any requests?” 

“No.” 

“Well, that’s good.” Garrett said.“Because there is this burrito stand up the way, owned by a fellow named Eduardo.Eduardo’s brother, Pablo, worked for the _Federales_ …” 

“Sir?” Ward interrupted.

“What?”

“You told me this story already.”

“I did?”

“Yes.” 

“The whole story?” 

“Yes.” 

“Even the part with the nurse and the…”

“…and the tuna.Yes sir.” 

“Well, shit.” Garrett looked at him and then at the motorcycle.“Nice ride,” he said.

Ward shrugged.Garrett walked over to his truck.“I’ll be back in half an hour,” he said swinging into the driver’s seat.As Garret drove off, Ward walked into the room and shut the door behind himself.

The room was what he was expecting.A painting of a lighthouse hung on the wall. Two full beds with dark blue bedspreads took up most of the floor space.An oversized TV sat on an ugly dresser with metal sea shells as drawer pulls.Nothing was clean.There was dust on the TV and every crevice in the furniture was grimy.The rug had beech sand ground into the yarn.The bedspread left his hand feeling greasy.

There was a tablet on the tiny table by the window.The tablet was shiny and sleek and had the SHIELD logo embossed on the bevel.

Absently, he tossed his coat, gloves and helmet on one bed, picked up the tablet and sat on the other bed.He laid his hand on the glass and the tablet flashed his name before opening to a screen with two files.He tapped the one labeled “Target” and started reading.

By the time Garret returned toting bags of takeout, he had the file labeled “Team” open.He looked up as Garrett entered.Garrett met his eyes as he dropped several bags on the table.“You ready?” Garrett asked.

Ward shook his head.“Ten minutes,” he said.

Truth was, he had finished reading the files.He just wasn’t ready to talk to Garrett about it, not yet.Not when Jason’s smiling face, framed with a mane of curly hair, stared out of the screen at him.It had been a couple of years since Ward had last seen him and Jason had let his hair grow.None of that changed the jolt he had felt when he opened the file. _No emotional attachments_ , he knew Garrett would tell him. _It had been a weakness_ , he reminded himself. _Does Garrett know?_ he wondered for the millionth time. 

For most of the last two years he had been on a deep cover assignment with the Russians. He had been back stateside for a couple of weeks now.Garrett had pulled some strings to get him assigned him to teach an advanced combat class at the Academy while he got his head back in the SHIELD persona.Adding a mission with Jason Lester in it was not what he needed.

Five minutes later he took a deep breath and dropped the tablet on the bed. Ward reached for the beer that Garrett had opened for him.He looked at Garrett.

Garrett was sitting in one of the chairs by the table, his feet up on the other chair. He was tipped back, watching him speculatively over the top of a half-empty beer bottle.

“What?” Ward asked. 

“So how was it, working with the Russkies?” 

Ward took a pull from the beer bottle and then reached for the burrito.“It had its moments.” 

“Aww, come on son.” Garrett urged him.“Brag a little, or I am going to have to make up some stories for you.Your intel on the Wakandan vibranium find sent the hamsters at the Hub spinning on their wheels.” 

Ward took a bite from the burrito, smiling despite himself.That had been quite the coup. “What do you want to hear about?”

“Well, how’d you do it?”

“Luck, mostly.There was a rumor that in recent years, after the events in Sokolvia, that some of the infected separatists wound up in Poland.”Ward shrugged, “I found no evidence, but while I was investigating that I stumbled on the Wakandan smuggling operation.”

Garrett rolled his eyes.“Come on, all that’s in the report, Grant.Tell me something juicy.”

Ward took another bite of the burrito and thought about it.After a moment he said, “Do you know about the leak?”

Garrett grinned, dropping the chair legs to the floor and leaning forward.“Now we’re talking. That was you?”

Ward shrugged.“I set it up.Someone else fronted it.” 

“That blonde bit of tail?” 

Ward nodded.

“Bet she did not expect the shitstorm she found herself in.” 

“Probably not, but I gave her what she wanted.” 

Garrett laughed.“Or at least what she thought she wanted!And was the leak your idea or…”

“No,” Ward said. “Orders.Not sure from whom.They came with all the right clearances.Was it you?”

Garrett shook his head.“I’m on another project these days.We’ll get to that in a minute.” 

Ward nodded, chewing on another bite of burrito.“Yeah, so, once I had proof of the arms deal, SHEILD wanted it all hushed up, of course.News of a new strike of vibranium, especially on that scale...” Ward paused, taking another drink.“My orders were to make sure it went public.”

Once the news had leaked, the world stock market had plunged and Wakanda had erupted in unrest.Even now, its neighbors were arming themselves.

Garrett grinned and raised his beer before taking another long pull.“Hail Hydra,” he said ironically. 

Ward snickered.

“Ready to talk about the next job?” Garrett asked. 

Ward glanced at the tablet. The screen had gone blank but he still saw the smiling face with the unruly mop of hair.He looked back at Garrett.“Sure. Tell me what you’ve been up to.” 

****

Twenty-four hours later, Ward stood in front of a mirror slicking back his hair.He wore battered blue jeans, a white t-shirt and a black leather coat.The coat was not quite right for the character, but it hid a multitude of weapons, most of which he was not planning on using.

Garrett came up behind him, holding out an earpiece.“Who are you?” he asked.

Looking at Garrett in the mirror, Ward answered as he fit the earpiece in place.“Ernie Roberts.” 

“And what are you doing?” 

“I’m a boxing fan.And I have a business opportunity for Carl. He’s not going to take it. Yet.”

He turned to face Garrett and Garrett took a step up so he was standing inches from Ward’s face.“Who are you?” he asked again, his voice taking on a dangerous edge.

Ward, affecting a Brooklyn twang, replied, “Ernie Roberts.”He grabbed Garrett’s lapels and gave him a shove backwards.“What’s it to you?”

Garrett grinned.“That’s more like it.” 

Ward headed toward the door. When his hand was on the doorknob Garrett said, “Grant, this is not going to be a problem, right?” 

_Goddamnit_ _,_ Ward thought, _he knows_.Keeping his face impassive Ward looked over his shoulder, looking at the man that he would rather die than disappoint.He shook his head. “No sir,” he said as he walked out the door.

*** 

Ward’s mind wandered as he drove _.Jason is nothing to me_ , he told himself over and over. _Never was._ He did not believe it for a second. __

Ever since he had first met Garrett, Garrett had disappeared and then dropped back into his life like a bombshell.In the Wyoming backcountry, Garrett had abandoned him for months at a time, leaving him to fend for himself.One winter, he almost froze, when the snow got so deep he could not get to the wood he had stacked next to the cabin.He and Buddy had curled up together under every thing he could find to pile on top of them and they had waited it out.One summer, there had been a forest fire a few miles to the east of his cabin.He had watched the smoke grow closer and closer and debated. Should he leave?Or would Garrett consider that failure?

Garrett had left him to struggle through it, but, he knew he had grown. He was smarter, stronger, tougher because of it.Garrett had demanded a lot.And then Garrett had dropped him into the Academy.He went from no one caring what he did, from complete freedom, to the regimented, ordered life of a cadet.

Much of the time it felt like he had come home. He excelled at classes, he was an outstanding shot, he soaked up the hand to hand combat and the structure was a relief.

Then, without warning, Garrett, as his SO, would swoop into the academy and pull him out for a field assignment.It was on one of those occasions when he'd finally killed a man. It was easy. It was on one of those occasions that he'd learned about Garrett’s cybernetics and SHIELD’s betrayal.After that, he'd insisted that he be trained in how to do the field maintenance for Garrett. It was on one of those occasions that the difference between SHIELD and HYDRA was driven home and he'd understood why, no matter how noble SHIELD’s rhetoric was, when the rubber hit the road it was never enough. It was on those occasions that he learned how to be a Hydra agent within SHIELD, how to hide in plain sight and show the world only what he wanted them to see.

And sometimes when Garrett showed up, it was just because they were friends. The night Christian won election for the first time, Garrett had taught him how to fly. Nothing fancy but it had been just them and the clouds and the moon shining across the ocean and the familiar patter of Garrett’s stories filling the silence.

And then there were the two years when Garrett had disappeared. No warning.He had not even realized Garrett was gone until eight months had passed and Garrett had not appeared at his door.Garrett missed his graduation. His first assignment should have been with his SO, with Garrett, but he was told Garrett was “on assignment”.

Months later, when Garrett returned, he made Ward go through everything he had done in the last two years. Garrett had picked through it all, pointing out weakness, hesitation, flaws.Ward had presented Garret with a stony face, but somewhere inside, he had shriveled up, shrinking around the one fact he had managed to withhold from Garret. The one fact that, he was sure, would cause Garrett to pack up and leave in disgust. 

He swore to himself he would do better, that he would not disappoint Garrett again.

But he had.

He kept his secret from Garrett.

Garrett had never said anything, but from the way Garrett looked at him with sadness rooted deep in his eyes, Ward was sure he knew.During those last months at the academy, Ward had given in to loneliness and allowed another cadet to get close.Jason Lester had been a rookie, promising but still green.Ward had made Jason his project.After Ward had graduated, they had kept in touch and they saw each other once in a while.He had never told Garrett because Garrett would say _It’s that weakness in you, Grant. You have to root it out._

***

Ward pulled up at the target’s apartment.According to the file, Creel was a former heavyweight boxer. He had had good hands, winning more matches than he lost.He was on track for a successful career when, it appeared, there had been a strange incident. SHIELD’s records were incomplete, but it seemed that during one match he had been put on the ropes and it had looked like it was all over. Then, after taking a battering, he had rallied, driving his opponent back across the rink, yelling some nonsense about how his hands had been turned to gloves.After that fight, he had never fought again.He had not even shown up at the gym.

Creel had become a recluse, rarely going out. When he did, strange things happened. In the way of SHIELD, eventually the rumors of metal hands and pictures of half a face the texture of tree bark filtered their way to the surface.No one quite knew what to make of him which was why the SHIELD team was being sent to check him out, to see if he was a candidate for the Index.

Ward’s job was to make sure that did not happen.

The file that Garrett had given him contained the SHIELD unit’s mission plans.Garrett had used his Level 7 clearance to gain access. Every other night, Creel went down to the corner market and bought candy bars, chips, and cans of soup. The SHIELD unit was going to confront him en route. He and Garrett were going to make sure that did not happen. 

The apartment was in a rundown building, with crumbling concrete stairs that led up to an ajar front door.The lock on the second door was broken and Ward walked into the lobby.There were four apartments on this level.An open stairwell with a wrought iron railing wound up to two more levels, each with four apartments.Overhead, a mildewed skylight cast a greenish tinge on the entry hall.Creel’s apartment was on the second level.

It was about an hour before Creel usually left on his grocery run when Ward knocked on Creel’s door.

At first, there was no response.Ward knocked again.A bleary voice shouted, “Go away!” 

“Mr. Creel?” Ward said.“May I speak to you?” 

“Who is it?” 

“My name,” Ward said, “is Ernie Roberts.” 

“Go away!” 

“Please, Mr. Creel,” Ward said. “I think you want to hear what I have to say.” 

“You here about the electric?” 

“No, Mr. Creel. I’m here about boxing.”

“Go away!” 

“I was a big fan, Mr. Creel.”

“I said, go away!”

“Fine, your loss.I’m putting my card under your door.”

Ward bent down and slid a business card under the door. He was not quite halfway down the steps when a voice called from over his head.“Hey!Mr. Roberts! Wait!” 

Ward paused and looked up at Carl Creel.The man was standing with gloved hands on the railing, looking down the stairs at him. He was backlit against the skylight and Ward could not see his face but he still had the powerful shoulders of a boxer.His posture told Ward all he needed to know.

“Carl, may I call you Carl?” Ward said.Not waiting for a reply he continued, “Come on down. Let me buy you a cup of coffee.” 

***

The com that Ward wore received on two bands and transmitted on one. He could hear and talk to Garrett.Garrett was silent for now, watching him work Creel.However, he could also hear the SHIELD team’s chatter as they set up their sting. _Who is Creel with?_ someone asked. _Never saw him before_ another replied. And then, Jason’s voice. _That guy looks kinda like a boyfriend I had once_. 

Ward tripped.

Creel started to reach out a hand and then yanked it back before he touched Ward. “You okay?” Creel asked.In his ear he heard Garrett chuckle. _Focus, son_ , Garrett prompted him. _You are not made, not yet. Wrap up, get out of there_.Ward tried to tune out the playful teasing that the SHIELD team was giving Jason as he and Creel stopped in front of the store where Creel bought his groceries.

Ward offered a hand to Creel, “Will you give my offer some thought?” he asked. 

Creel looked skeptical.“It’s a curse, Mr. Roberts, not a gift.I don’t see why you are interested.”

Ward shrugged. “I could give you many reasons, Carl.Maybe we can learn something about regenerative medicine or properties of materials.But really, what we can offer you is a better a life.A life where you are in control.”

Creel studied him and Ward looked back, concentrating on holding the character, even as the specialist from the SHIELD team was closing in.

“I can take care of myself,” Creel said abruptly.

Ward shrugged.“Your choice, Mr. Creel. You have my card; give me a call.”

Stuffing his hands into his pockets and hunching his shoulders, Ward turned his back on Creel and walked briskly down the street, brushing shoulders with one of the SHIELD agents closing in on Carl.

The reverse lift was easy.The agent was focused on his target.Later, after hell had broken loose, he would find the card that Ward had left there.The card was simple: ivory with black Helvetica lettering.All it said was, “The Clairvoyant was here first.” 

Hurrying now, Ward said into the com, “Where are they, Garrett?” 

_The sniper’s in the building on your left, third floor, middle window.The rest are on the ground. I got them.You take care of the sniper._

“Acknowledged,” Ward said.

***

Getting to the apartment where the sniper was positioned was easy.The door had not even been locked.He opened it cautiously and stared at the back of the sniper’s curly head.

Ward shook his head, thinking to himself, _god-damned rookie mistake_.With his eye on the scope, a sniper could not protect himself. Securing your own back was the first step in selecting any site.

He drew his gun silently and aimed at the sniper’s head.

Sensing something, the sniper turned around and Ward was staring into Jason’s face. Jason’s eyes widened, stunned.“Gr...” he started to say.

Ward shot him. 

Agent Jason Lester slumped in place, his eyes still open and surprised.

Ward stared into the dead eyes of Jason Lester.He did not know how long he stood there.There was chaos coming across the earpiece, shouting, panicked check-ins, frustration that Creel had gotten away.Eventually Garrett’s voice in his ear broke through the stupor. _Grant! Grant, you got company. Get out of there, son!_

Abruptly, Ward holstered his gun and left.On his way out, he encountered the specialist whom he had seen before.He ducked his head and walked past. The other agent, hurrying because Jason had not answered the check-in, ran past without seeing him.

***

It was after dark when Ward came back to the motel room.Garrett was sitting on one of the beds with the tablet on his knees.He looked up when Ward entered.

“Where have you been?” Garrett demanded.

Ward shrugged.“The car was parked in the middle of a crime scene.Took some time before the cops would let it leave.” Ward knew the excuse was thin before it even came out of his mouth.Crime scene tape would not stop a SHIELD agent.He didn’t care.He didn’t want to tell Garret he’d gone into some gym he’d picked at random, that he had punched things until his arms were lead.He felt drained now, empty. The anger was gone.He could look at Garrett and accept that it had been necessary. 

Garrett dropped his chin and looked at him.“Come on, Grant,” he chided. “That’s the best you can do?Damn, kid. I had no idea this would rattle you that bad.You look like shit warmed over.”

Ward walked over to the mirror and fixed his hair, shedding the Ernie Roberts persona.He did not believe a word Garrett said.Garrett had known exactly who Jason Lester was. This had been a lesson.

Garrett went on, “I thought you were stronger than this, after what you did to that Russian reporter.I though that you had conquered that weakness in you.” 

Turning back to Garret, Ward fished the earpiece out of his pocket and tossed it at him.“I’ve got to get back to the academy.”

Garrett grabbed the earpiece out of the air and tucked it into his shirt pocket.“After the fiasco today, Blake assigned me to Creel.” 

“That was the plan.” Ward said, feeling hollow.“Is Cybertek ready for him?” 

Ward picked up his motorcycle helmet and turned towards the door.

“They’ll have to be,” Garrett said. 

Ward crushed the helmet down on his head.“See you later, sir.” If Garrett replied, he didn’t hear it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to bluedog and bienfiltre for the beta.
> 
> This was inspired by two Garrett quotes: 
> 
> "It's that weakness in you, you have to root it out."  
> and  
> "I love this straight version of you"
> 
> I know I took some liberties with that second one, but it was fun.


End file.
